It saddens me that I still complain about work.

I do it because it's easy and it's money. Not good money but it's enough.

I'm sad because this was meant to be my break and my boss didn't acknowledge that. She looked on to her advantage and see that I don't have uni now, she can give me her shifts and have days off. More days off than me.

I hate complaining about this. I really do. I always tell people don't complain about something if you're not going to fix it or people complain about shit that can be fixed so I'm trying to not be so hypocritical and take my own advice, and stop complaining. But it bugs me because I'm letting it happen to me. My break is gone in less than a week and I've felt like I've done nothing.

But I have done quite a few things. I got my license, went hiking, party, went out at night more than I normally did during the semester and did some independent things. BUT I don't feel like all of that happened. I don't feel a sense of fun because work overshadowed that and I was just working all the time. So I feel sad about this break because I know I've done more than what I did last break but I won't feel like I had done it when uni comes back. It just feels the same.

I haven't slept past 8am in a very very long time. I honestly feel like a 24 year old who's working full time at a job she hates because what 19 year old is given 5 days a week from 9-5.30 to work? That's a freaking joke.

And everytime I hear 'But you're getting so much money'. Money right now is not the problem. I should be able to use that money and spend it on things I want to do in this break rather than work and have no life at all.

I felt like I haven't seen a beautiful blue sky in a long time because I'm always indoors and when I finish I walk out to the nights sky. Today was my day off, actually my last day off in sydney before I head off to Melb on Thurs and I really wanted to enjoy it. But the weather was cloudy and cold and it just wasn't a great ending. I tried eating good quality food but I found a slug in my salad.

like it's been shit. This was meant to be a break.

(I repeat again. i hate complaining about this. i'm sorry to all readers reading this and thinking 'do something about it)

I would normally talk to someone about this but recently I found out I'm not very good at expressing things. Like verbally. I am REALLY bad at expressing my emotions and putting them into words. I can write/ type them but I cannot speak them. So I'm really not hidden, I just don't know how to say it .. in the right way.. if you get me. Like I'm saying it all in my head right now but if I was to open my mouth and start talking to someone about work, I wouldn't know what to say or where to begin because there's so much to say and very few sentences or words I can say to make it sound sense. God I hope that makes sense. SEE WHAT I MEAN. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS THINGS CLEARLY LOL

Clearly an English thing I need to work on. I get a lot of that in my essays. "Make sure you re-read and clearly express what you want to say"

Tomorrow marks 21 days. Monday, July 21, 2014 10:21 PM