3 posts in one night because I'm going mental. Mad. Not even being dramatic. I am literally losing my mind.

There's this movie that focuses on the mind's capacity to withstand any harm to the contents within the room. The contents being humans. So these humans are placed inside this room under the impression that they're entering a competition to win something. Only to have infront of them is a sheet of paper and when they're instructed to flip that paper over, it has nothing on it. They begin to talk to eachother about it. What the blank piece of paper means til the point where it's like you're going mad and thinking of really ridiculous things. These humans end up going insane and start killing eachother. Moral of the story? I don't know. But my point, I'm mad like that but I'm not mad enough to kill someone. Relaxxx

I'm basically sick and tired of studying. My mind has had it. I don't know what else to study for. I don't even have enough practice papers and they're all essay questions which I've already looked at. Like there's nothing more I can do. Can I do this exam now. Then I'm getting this whole superstition  that if you're too relaxed, you're in trouble. Something big and bad is going to happen to you on the exam day. The essay questions are going to throw you in a blank state. I'm going to kick myself for being so relaxed back then but honestly I don't want to push myself anymore to keep revising the same piece of info over and over again. It's getting so tedious... it's the cause of this madness.

I don't want to sleep because I don't want to wake up the next day and repeat the same thing again. I hate complaining about this because this isn't even that big of a complaint, like suck it up ems. Tough it out god. You know what I'd love to be doing right now? Be on a bus, coach bus and listen to music while it drives past pastoral lands, mountains, the sea.. just really nice natural views of the earth.

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For once I'd like to feel special. Not given attention because I hate attention but .. feel special out of genuine politeness and not forced politeness, if you get me. I don't ask much and I listen a lot but lately, I'd like to feel something from you. Everything just seems forced, fake and.. petty. I hate ppl TRYING to make efforts instead of naturally doing them because it seems it's not out of their own interests but out of the other. I don't know, I just feel rough right now and lately I've been asking myself 'why do I bother' a lot. How and why do I still do it.... serioussslllyyy..... .. . . .  . . . ugh . . . .

In all seriousness, I think that's why I'm such a private person and a lot of things are kept inside because I've always been your listener. I have at numerous times attempted to talk about me but it never works out that way. I've never felt special around you. Basically I feel like a stick. Not a brick wall but a thin stick that's about to snap. Tuesday, June 17, 2014 10:33 PM