Weird morning.

I hate Mondays. Monday morning I'm always sad. Can you imagine what Sunday nights feel like for me? Anyways I woke up and decided for a very long time whether to show up to uni for my 10am lecture because after that I have a 3 hour gap til my next class. I decided to go because 100% I'd get work done at uni. And guess what? I did!

But on the way to uni on the train I was reading your blog post Bobs about your childhood and at the same time I was listening to Coldplay Live 2012, which featured their classics and new songs from Mylo Xyloto. I listen to them all the time when I'm feeling down and it turned out my Monday morning was pleasant. So as I was reading the post I became very emotional because my childhood memories started to appear and I actually had water in my eyes because I wasn't sad, I was happy. Well actually sad because I'll never be able to feel that way as a kid again but happy because I too, had a good childhood. It literally was the happiest time of my life. It makes me happy that I was happy back them. My parents had full control of me as a kid, taking me to school, feeding me, monitoring my health and education at school and that didn't matter as a kid whereas now if your parents are on your back all the time, it's such a drag. I wouldn't trade my childhood for anything else. There are people out there who have had bad experiences as a kid because their parents may have been divorced or they grew up in a time of war.. like my parents or yours. I feel lucky to have grown up in a good time of the modern era. So thanks bobs for that post. I was really reaaaally emotional but in a good way haha

Which came to the idea of my parents. I feel so horrible after reflecting on how my parents struggled to find peace in their country. I'm such a nasty daughter to my mum (sometimes) when really, all she does is care for me. Care for me like I was running away from a war that ravaged my country. She feels so protective of me because she probably didn't have the same kind of protection or care when she was a child. She constantly tells me how she worked out in the fields for long hours to look after her brothers and sisters (my aunties and uncles) and was separated from her family for a long time just to support them. And my mum has this face too. A face of pain that if any of her past shows up, she'll cry. And that's the worst thing ever, to see your mother cry. That's why I struggle to disrespect her or "rebel" against her because she gives her whole life to me. A life/ childhood that she couldn't have because bad things happened and if anything happens to me, it happens to her too. Which I can't have.

Man I don't want to cry. I'm in the library and if I burst out into tears people are going to think I'm weird.

My mum is strong. A very strong person and it makes me sad that I always get upset at her when I don't know her story. I just realized it's Mother's Day this Sunday haha. Well this post dedicates to it.

What's your mother like?





Monday, May 5, 2014 1:47 PM