I am upset.

I'm different now.

The last time I felt like this was the first month of university. And this isn't hard. This is my break. I'm meant to be living it and being happy but I am sad. And upset. And tired. And just sad.

Everything around me just turns to hate. I hate my family. I hate my job. I hate people. I hate waiting. I hate food. I hate money. I hate standing up. I hate waking up. I hate loud noises. I hate peoples luvos. I hate swearing. I hate tossing. I hate my phone. I hate disturbance. I hate inconvenience. I hate spontaneity. I hate clothes. I hate shoes. I hate walking. I hate trains. I hate everything. I even hate myself at times.

I've been dwelling in this sadness for such a long time, it's hit me. At times I lay down in my bed and cry myself to sleep because everything has gotten worse.

• I hate my job so much.
• I hate my workmate and her ability to just go on her phone or talk to her friends when they come in. I hate having to watch her comfortably do that while I look around and see customers who need our help.
• I hate working 5-6 days a week now, I don't even care about the money anymore. I care about my health.
• I hate my parents for not allowing me to grow up.
• I hate my dad for not putting in the effort to go get me driving lessons. I hate that he told me to find a drivers instructor myself and I guess I'm expected to pay for that too.
• I hate how unsupportive my parents are.
• I hate how I cleared out my entire closet with my bedroom door closed and my mum comes in touching everything once I'm out of my room.
• I hate how mum has her mind set that I'm the youngest of 3 girls but not the fact that I'm almost 19 years old.
• I hate walking to the god damn station every morning.
• I hate how slow people walk.
• I hate how people don't stick to one side or they just suddenly stop in the middle of nowhere.
• I hate it when people don't keep left.
• I hate sitting on the train and waiting.
• I hate how everytime I turn to you for comfort you revert the subject back to you.
• I hate how you make your problems sound bigger than mine.
• I hate how you don't notice how selfish that is.
• I hate how I still continue to talk to you anyway when I know what to expect.
• I hate how you care so little when I care so much for you.
• I hate university and I do not want to go back.
• I hate people.
• I hate clubbing girls and tight skirts with tiny crop shirts.
• I hate people taking pictures of themselves in an angle that shows nothing but the best part of their face, meaning they're trying to make themselves look good and not what they are upfront.
• I hate it when people ask for your advice then shut it down. Was there a point in me giving my advice to you if you weren't going to take it anyway?
• I hate it when people don't realize that there are bigger problems out there in the world.
• I hate it when people are disrespectful, rude, selfish, careless and ignorant.
• I hate my parents constant control.
• I hate living here.
• I hate living.
• I hate sadness.
• I hate my wisdom tooth. I'm about to flip out.
• I hate asian women who stare at you and make it obvious when you walk past them.
• I hate loud talking people on the train.
• I hate my mum's constant blender noise she makes to scratch her itchy throat through her nose.
• I hate myself for hating all these things.
• I hate Campsie.
• I hate my job
• job
• job 
• job
• job

I'm just so different now.

Monday, January 27, 2014 10:15 PM