I've been pretty fed up with life.

I know I've been saying I've been happy on twitter and stuff and it's true. I was happy on those days because either someone said something nice to me, I finished a test and I did well in it, I finished an essay, (I finished something), I had no worries or I was bored. That's when I was happy.

Until like Friday night after I went to One Direction's concert for the second time (i'm not obsessed. I bought the first group of tickets and they weren't happy seats for a friend of mine so we bought another and they were located on the ground, so we decided wtheck let's go again).

I just thought I don't want to go to uni. I hate work. I hate studying. I hate researching. I don't want to do this. This isn't for me. I mean I know I have to do it because in the end I'm qualified in something but seriously, what is Arts going to take me.

I was talking to my sister about this and I said no matter what, Arts is nothing to anyone. When you're looking for a job. It doesn't matter if you went to Sydney Uni to study Arts, it doesn't make a difference. A degree in Business/ Management in UWS sounds better than Arts in USYD and that's what I told my sis (because she did that in uni). And people tell me if you're concerned about Arts taking you nowhere, why don't you change degrees? and I tell them because nothing else interests me except for History and Drama which is only offered in Arts.

I can't do Law because I know that's intensive and like I said, I had studying.
I'm not a science person.
Not a business person. Never done commerce/ business/ retail/ economics
I'd do health but tbh I was mediocre in the theory side. It was just practical for me that me good in it.

And I spent three consecutive days in my bed re-evaluating my life in sadness because I wasn't happy with it. I was settled, that's for sure. Going to uni and having a job meant that I was settled. But I don't want to work in an office or work for someone in the future. I want to do what's best for me. What I enjoy. I hate going out and doing the same thing everyday (my job). I want my job to be different everyday. I want it to be unpredictable and exciting.

And then it leads to acting and for god sake who knows how many times I've mentioned this.

The happiest moment is when I get selected for NIDA. You have no idea how much it'll mean to me. It means that I know that I can do it. It means that I've proved to people that you can ditch that whole business/ office thing and go for something recreational but still hard-working. It means that I'm good at something. It means that I can go far and there is hope.

I'm still so sad because everyday when I wake up to go to uni or work, it feels so monotonous and dry... and boring that I don't want to do that anymore.

I want to make new experiences and challenge myself. I really just want to get out there and start again.

I've thought about this so many times which is why it has progressively made me sad.

I don't want to be here. I want to run and do things on my own.

I don't know how this happened or why my mood has changed but I really don't want to do this anymore. I'm really fed up. Thursday, October 31, 2013 1:01 PM