Sometimes I get really sad because when I have something I want to talk about I instantly think of you who I want to talk to but then I remember, you don't really pay attention and give the attention to yourself. What am I supposed to say back you know? I don't mind listening to you, it's just you always put yourself on the spot and seem like you've got the worse of everything. That's why I get really insecure when I'm talking to people because they don't care.. well you make me feel like you don't care. Which is why I don't say much and I listen or ask questions more.

I'm stressing a lot now. I'm stressing for Saturday because I'm going to open the store and work by myself for 1.5 hours. I'm really scared. I don't like it when the boss isn't in the store and I'm by myself. I don't like it when there's too many people in the store and she's not there. I don't like it at all. I'm still young. 3.5 months. Why is there so much pressure you know. And I have to close the till too which I haven't perfected. Which adds more stress because I feel like the boss is judging me. I hate work. I hate it so much. And why can't you hire more people. 

And I want to go back to formal because I don't remember it. I want to wear a nice long gown now because... I haven't. I only wear short dresses and .... I wished I had worn a long one. I want to feel like I'm going to prom or a ball or some princess thing. I lost all my formal photos because I lost my usb which had all my school stuff. And normally that would make me incredibly sad because I remember losing my usb once at school and it made me think about it for a long time but I found it later because someone kindly gave it in to lost property. So when I lost it twice, I didn't want to be sad. I accepted that I lost it quickly. I still have no clue where it is. The usb did have my name and surname on it because after losing it once, I wanted everything to be labelled. Including the metal ruler Collin found in the school library and my ipod. Thankfully my ipod hasn't been lost yet. SO yeah, I just want to feel pretty for one night and enjoy it. I didn't dance at all at formal. I stood to the side and wandered around a lot trying out the sweets, taking photos, eating the gelato which I wished I could of enjoyed more. They had such a wide range... And after uni I've become friends with quite a lot of people who I wasn't friends with in highschool and I wished I could of enjoyed formal with them too. I also wished that my last week of highschool was memorable without you in it. You were doing my head in. I still hate you for that.

If there was one person in your life that you could discard from your memory, do you know who it would be? I have two people in mind.

But anyway what makes me happy now is that I'm watching a movie that's totally related to my unit of study. I finished reading and making notes for two chapters this morning and this movie has everything of what I just read. This is myth btw. And everytime the movie mentions a characters name, I know who/what she/he/it is. It makes me happy knowing I've learnt something.

And this weather is really nice. Too bad I'm indoors.

Also can't wait for Sunday for Trent's birthday party. Good food and good company.. and smiles all around.




Friday, September 6, 2013 2:46 PM