I'm a bit sad. My mother wasn't the first person I told about my ATAR, it was my oldest sister then the sister after that. When I told my mum she couldn't believe it. She pretty much felt the same way I did- surprised. She was surprised in a different way though. I was surprised because I didn't know I could achieve that number nor did I think it was ever possible. I hadn't used the ATAR calculator so I didn't know what I could achieve but I always thought I was to fall in the low 80's. My mother was surprised because she thought I was dumber than my sisters and that she was mortified that I couldn't beat them because they were average. She said it aloud and I paused for a moment just thinking about it. That's what she thought about me the whole entire year while I was studying... I guess that was disappointing. My mum thought I was dumb. And then I told her and she was ... I don't know ... She didn't seem smiley and happy about it nor did she say she was proud of me. I could tell that she really liked the number and she pretty much couldn't stop showing it off because she called so many people but she didn't say anything to me. It was more of like a reward to her than it was to me and I felt disappointed. She didn't say anything to me.

And last night I went over to my cousins house who also did his HSC (he went to Hurlstone Agriculture High school btw) to congratulate him on his ATAR. I was close but couldn't care any less because I was so proud of us. His parents were a tad strict on him because he went to tutor so expectations were high and luckily he smashed his ATAR goal but you could see how happy his parents were. They kept asking him questions and they took him to China for graduating and his birthday. Even when I stepped inside their house his parents congratulated me and shook my hand lol It was such a nice gesture that I wished I had from my parents.

And I know this is too much to ask but wouldn't you want something from your parents for achieving a really good ATAR? I hate that I have to ask my parents for something. I wished they considered it themselves to get me something but it doesn't cross their mind. Like it'd be incredibly nice if they just got me an unexpected gift. I asked my mum this morning if I could get something for working so hard and she said 'Like what??' and I said 'A bike' and she turns down the offer again. And I make her feel even more bad because my cousin got to go to China. He went overseas for gods sake == I just know it... my parents aren't going to give me anything. And what makes me even more sad is my cousins mother (who is my aunty) said she'd take me and my cousin out to dinner to celebrate our hard work and effort throughout the year. What a nice mum you know... why can't my parents be like that. Why don't they care?! :(

It's just so sad you know. You worked so hard in this one year and you make your parents happy but in return they don't say anything to you.

Well to change the mood, I did beyond my expectations lol I surprised so many people and teachers. When I tried signing in to my UAC account I didn't know where to look. I was in the page but I couldn't find my ATAR. I thought it was meant to be a very big bold number but it was tiny lol I looked at it and didn't believe it so I signed out and signed back in. Still the same number. I was over the mooooooooooooooon. Mind you, I was shaking a lot. I could barely text properly to my sisters. Oh and for HSC results too on the Wednesday, I was with my sister at the time and I typed in my details and let her press 'login'. She looked at my results first and I remember her saying 'Holy freaking shit, you did good. You did really good' then I looked and I did really good :D I got 3 band 6's and 2 band 5's. Quite surprised with English because I got 91 in the exam like whaaaaaaat. It was just the school assessment that lead me to a band 5 but I was close LOL Overall I'm happy.

Now I'm stuck because I don't know what to do anymore. I have e12 but I feel like I could do more. I feel that there are better courses out there rather than Arts. Do I really want to do Arts now.. I've already received a letter and an email from USYD saying 'congratulations you've successfully received the early offer etcc' but now I'm feeling a bit of regret. I keep thinking if only Arts was higher. If Arts offered more. If USYD offered a Drama course with a scholarship :' IF ONLY.


Friday, December 21, 2012 11:32 AM